Today I was likened to a school shooter apologist by someone I used to have nuanced and thoughtful conversations with.
I’ve been watching a development in local politics in my county, Santa Cruz, California, with dismay. It’s like a funhouse mirror of national politics, but there’s nothing fun about it.
Santa Cruz, the one party town…sorta
Republicans don’t win elections here. In 2020, Trump got 18% of the vote, which is a very good performance for a Republican in Santa Cruz County. When there are disagreements here, as a result, they are often liberal-vs-liberal disagreements. They are often characterized as “liberal-vs-progressive” issues, though to me the distinction between those words has become unclear. In any case, anyone who wants political power has to at least talk the liberal/progressive talk.
Two years ago, a young politician unseated a seasoned one in our local county district. That politician ran an almost single-issue campaign about land use. The issue in question isn’t even important here; it’s indicative of a wider problem that concerns all Americans.
The issue in question followed a familiar path: NIMBY, don’t spend our tax dollars, keep the status quo, and bankrolled by a whole pack of wealthy people whose land would be affected. In other words, conservative in the true sense of the word. But the politician was elected, and the issue is on the ballot.
Land of “practice kindness”
Something else you might not know about Santa Cruz if you don’t live here is that people are really nice. You know how Southerners have that reputation? Well, we do nice different out west. We don’t necessarily follow social norms, and we don’t stick our noses in other people’s business. But we’re accepting of differences to a fault. Random strangers take the time to have conversations with others. Lots of people practice NVC (nonviolent communication) and take pains to disagree politely. People compliment each other on questionable fashion choices. We’re nice.
That’s not to say that there haven’t been bitter disagreements here. Santa Cruz city politics can be very heated and are often bewildering because the people arguing with each other seem like they should agree much more than they disagree.
The knives have come out
But things are different since this issue came to the fore. Really different. The tactics have been right out of Trump’s playbook: lies, distractions, vilifications, and just downright ugliness.
My own personal political philosophy has always been this: I will never join with the ugly people. Any politician who wields ugliness loses my vote, even if I agree with their positions. Any interest group that promotes their cause through ugly behavior loses my support, even if I agree with their desired result.
But what happens when your friends and coworkers join the ugly people?
School-shooter apologist
Recently I found out that because I don’t agree with one of my friends, I am akin to a Texas school-shooter apologist. Also, I secretly hate children. Really.
Remember: This is about land use. There are two different proposals, but somehow people on one side are being characterized by the other side as the epitome of evil.
Infected by Trumpism
Trump has been soundly rejected in this county twice.
Yet the ugly rhetoric that Trump didn’t invent but did perfect and infect our national political life with has spread here, too. To think that someone who knows me and who knows my opinion on the issue would liken me to a Texas pro-gun activist just days after a horrific multiple murder in that state…just because I don’t agree about what to do with a strip of land.
It’s like Americans are suffering from a communicable disease, one whose symptoms are a false sense of righteousness, a sense of personal impunity, and a belief that one’s adversaries are evil enemies to be destroyed.
Humans are complicated, and we will disagree
We will always disagree, so we have to learn how to do it in a healthy way. Vilification of those who disagree with you is bad for your own physical and mental health, it’s bad for our society, and it’s bad for our country.
So please take care of yourself, my friend. Find a way to open your heart to someone who doesn’t always see eye-to-eye. You might be surprised to find out that we have almost everything else in common.
This! Suki, I could not agree more and often talk about my German family where we would have heated conversations at the dinner table (usually for hours after dinner and accompanied by a lot of wine). People would shout passionately about their issue and listen to their loved ones across the table (though Germans are notorious for speaking over each other… at least my older generation family members). At the end of the evening we would all hug each other goodnight. I believe this is the only way we will ever meet in the middle or at least have some care and concern for where and why other’s passions lie. To be able to have a respectful debate with an opposing view makes one feel heard and seen, even if the other person doesn’t change their mind. When we villify someone for having opposing beliefs (admittedly these last 5 years have been tempting to do so) we lose the opportunity for understanding and solutions. Let’s all agree not to join with the ugly people.
Thanks, Katrina! Your family sounds like a great one to hang out with. So many families have broken apart over this, each side blaming the other for the rancor. We all need to monitor our own behavior and choose not to join the ugly people. (Which, I know, sometimes means breaking with friends or family members.) But it’s absolutely necessary if we want to get anything done in this country that we all give up the vilification of people who don’t agree with us.*
*The exception is certain political figures who spread ugliness. They should be vilified by everyone, especially the people who agree with their political positions!